The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
