I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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