he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
