I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
false alarm, still single
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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