His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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