Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
