her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
high people should be assigned attendants
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
