eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
