I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
