Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
