Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
