the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
