hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
