she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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