Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
