At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
