Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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