we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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