i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
