Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
