You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
