his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
