i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
