he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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