At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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