Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
