guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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