Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
