AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
