you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
