Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
