He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
