sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
my liver is dry heaving
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
