But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
