I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
