I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
