I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
