your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
