Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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