I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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