I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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