I'm so fucking centered right now
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
