Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
