well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
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