I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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