he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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