I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
