I want to walk on stilts...naked
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
