Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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