You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
