"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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